Tenacious C

[misterdaniel]

It's been quite a week. In a contextless, and therefore potentially misleading, way - Kaz and I have split up.

After receiving the text last Sunday night that sent us hurtling to Norwich, because Carla had "days to live", there was a phone call on Tuesday morning that pretty much prompted a 24hr family presence on the ward. Carla looked exceptionally weak and spoke about wanting it to end. It was a distressing and draining time.

Then, as the week progressed, Carla pulled it back. After shaking off the death rattle in her throat, Carla began to make requests (and issue orders instructions). The list included sending people to find jelly and custard and other foods she could eat with actual flavour. Then, when the MacMillan nurses were coming round on Friday, Carla said that she would rather die at home than in a pokey hospital side room. The MacMillan nurses displayed the qualities that make them so well-regarded and as of yesterday Carla slept under her own roof. As the hospital was still closed to visitors because of norovirus, this means non-family can go and see her.

Its been quite a rollercoaster and the ride isn't over yet. However, because having a crawling and incoherently ranting baby around is additional stress and activity in the house, Kaz and I have split the party. We all came back to Nottingham last night and Kaz is going back on the train today to support her parents and brother.

It's as I take a short pause to reflect that I see just how formidable a force that my mother-in-law is. In her own words, "I don't know how to stop fighting".

Just to say a quick thank you for everyone who offered kind thoughts and wishes via LJ, text and other ways.

Comments

[poppymayhem.livejournal.com]

I'm glad Carla can be at home, and don't scare me with misleading lines like that!
*hugs to you all*

[misterdaniel.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. I did say it was misleading, but I'll concede that my headspace may be warping my sense of humour more than usual.

I too am glad that Carla is at home. When the possibility came to light, there was an immediate and positive change in the atmosphere and across every family member. It is absolutely the right thing and well worth a few temporary sacrifices.

[poppymayhem.livejournal.com]

Oh you have no need to apologise at all :) Such humour is essential.
*more hugs to you all while I'm here*

[littlemiscowboy.livejournal.com]

All our love, thoughts and prayers.
I've always thought MacMillian nurses were good and I'm glad they're fighting in Carla's corner.
Much love and hugz
xxxx

[forest-rose.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad she's at home. I've been praying for you all xxx

[yorkshire-spam.livejournal.com]

If there's anything I can do to help (unlikely I know) please just ask.
Even if it's just long distance support.

[misterdaniel.livejournal.com]

Well, its nice to think of positive things in the future, and a potential visit from yourself certainly qualifies.

[eviladara.livejournal.com]

If you need anything, even if it's just dinner/someone to entertain Ellie while you take a nap, let me know.

[misterdaniel.livejournal.com]

Thank you again.

However, as Kaz's brother is off work this week, he is staying with Carla and Kaz has come home. There was a little more politics than that, but thats the upshot. We are probably all going down at the weekend, but the Lord Harry alone knows whats happening next week.

So there's no immediate logistical need, though catching up socially may be nice.

[microgirl.livejournal.com]

Oh that's lovely news. Ok, so "lovely" may seem a tad...macabre or warped a term to use, but I do mean it. It's lovely that Carla still has fighting in her, and extra-lovely that she gets to be at home, for however long her fighting energy lasts her. She will be far more comfortable, at ease and happy and so will have more energy, and friends and family can visit and share the workload.

I agree with poppymayhem that you are a bit mean and nasty, but re-reading the opening line a couple of times I figured you probably meant that you came home while Kaz stayed in Norwich. But it was a frightening second or two!

[misterdaniel.livejournal.com]

It is, in its way, lovely. Certainly, it is excellent for Carla who is the key person in this situation.

There has been some family politics about who takes what time to be around, but that has currently resolved with Kaz's brother being off this week (which he was anyway) and Kaz coming back. Next week is yet to be determined.

And I am not "a bit mean and nasty". I am a lot mean and nasty. Although I could have left out the uncontexted warning...

[larpexiles.livejournal.com]

That sounds about a positive as it gets at the moment. As has been said by the masses before us if you need anything ..yadda...

hugs and love
D and I

[mfl.livejournal.com]

what everyone is saying, our thoughts are with you..anything you need let us know

[sarahfeeney.livejournal.com]

The comment was exactly what I thought it might be. When my mother in law was dying and they started to talk in terms of weeks rather than hours we were asked if she would rather be at home. As she was unconscious on morphine and we had no idea how to arrange the care needed we opted for hospital.

I'm glad Carla is getting her wish, oddly enough spending those last few moments with a dying relative can be strangely comforting. Even in coma state it felt like I could talk to my mother in law and get answers till she went.

My thoughts remain with all of you.xx

[misterdaniel.livejournal.com]

As she was unconscious on morphine and we had no idea how to arrange the care needed we opted for hospital.

I'm not sure we do either. My return to Nottingham was based on being unable to take much more leave. The plan for the coming week involved playing pass-the-parcel with my daughter whilst I tried to get some work done, which was a poor plan.

Kaz's brother is off work this week with an injury, so Kaz used that to come home on Sunday. This, however, delays the logistical questions until next week.

Although I am pleased that Carla is as strong as she is, and is at home, because it is good for her - our ability to make plans is all over the place.

[sarahfeeney.livejournal.com]

It is such a difficult time - we are only an hour away with a child friendlyish house so if you want any help just let me know.

Although your leave is almost out and possibly this isn't viable what about parental leave for you? I know its unpaid but you are allowed up to a month off legally. I'm sure you are aware of this anyway but it might be a help should you absolutely need some time and have no paid leave time left.

As for making plans I can understand that - this is probably one of the most difficult times to cope with because there is zero certainty from day to day where anyone may be . Especially hard with a small person. Seriously if there is the least thing I can do please let me know x

[svartmetall.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about you all a lot, but didn't want to keep hassling via text or whatever as I know you had and have enough to be dealing with. This is one of those times I wish I wasn't an atheist, so I could pray for people I care about; as it is, my offer of 'if there's anything you need me to do' stands, just call or text me if you need anything.

[misterdaniel.livejournal.com]

Having recently been reading Richard Dawkins' "The God Delusion", I have a blog post to write about athiesm.

As an idle question though, as an athiest, do you reject all concepts of the supernatural or just those identified as religion?

[svartmetall.livejournal.com]

That would require a fairly lengthy answer that I suspect isn't really what this particular post and attendant cloud of replies needs; I'll wait until you make your atheism post then we can get into it properly =)

[dame-habonde.livejournal.com]

Thinking of you all, and adding my own gladness that Carla is at home.

Kimx

[blackcurrants.livejournal.com]

Ok, my heart lurched a bit - but you're allowed a bit of leeway with your dark, dark mind -
We're thinking of you, and if there's ever a late-night conversation you'd like to have, why, that's why the good Maude invented time differences!

[nicky-cky.livejournal.com]

*hugs* and what they all said.

(And I shall be in The Wheelhouse at lunchtime tomorrow if you want any non-cyber hugs.)

[misterdaniel.livejournal.com]

I am sorry I missed you at the Wheelhouse. I was visiting my mum, and getting her to look after Ellie whilst I did some house-sorting as the food we had left in the fridge had become sentient and wanted squatters rights.

Hope you had fun.

[breezle.livejournal.com]

That sounds like Carla. I wish her comfort, and the company of those she loves for as long as she is with us.

Love to you, Kaz and Ellie. If you guys need a holiday later in the year when it's all settling down, I know this little place in Scotland where the company is good, the wine flows freely and there's even kiddy entertainment thrown in. ;-)

[plucky-lass.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear that things look to be more on Carla's terms. Its still a horrible thing to happen but its lovely to hear that she's had that victory

[bacony.livejournal.com]

Much love. I know it isn't necessarily much help, but our thoughts are with you.

[misterdaniel.livejournal.com]

The thoughts are kind in themselves. Thank you.

Still, if you are prepared to sign consent forms, I could authorise extensive genetic experimentation on you in the hope of unleashing latent psychic powers of some kind, which might make your thoughts display tangible helping qualities - or possibly just allow you to blow up dogs with your mind!!

(Please forgive me. I am in a strange mood today.)

Had a phone call important for friends

[dutchy1.livejournal.com]

The most of the phone call is on the family pages only. sorry.
But I do want to mention a small part:

First, before I do forget: I named all the names of the people who did send good wishes, special remember Jenn, Gill, Marianne, Ian and Dawn, Endis Ni Diane and all the others. (and some from Face-book).
Carla was so glad everybody thought of her and did send good vibes and prayers.It did make her happy.

I did mention more but there was so much to remember afterward.
With love for all those people who made her happy while they thought of her! Nan.

[huuggs.livejournal.com]

*sends love and wishes to her and the family*

[vicksteroo.livejournal.com]

Thinking of you all, and hoping that you can find a way to juggle everyone and everything over this uncertain time. We're only an hour away too and have lots of baby toys (and a spare room), plus a 22 month old who's very gentle with babies. You'd be more than welcome if even just for a meal or some company.

When I was told my mum had just days left to go (when I was 15) I didn't believe it and fought against it, but I know in hindsight that she was glad to be at home and to have us there. She knew that we cared, and that counted for so much. Love to Carla, and especially to Kaz for what she's going through.